You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
