last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
