He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you traded sex for a burrito?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You may now shotgun with the bride
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
