why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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