I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
