so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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