Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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