its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
