too bad you live with your parents still
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
