I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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