Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
