at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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