wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm getting married
To pizza
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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