her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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