who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
