I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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