I'm jealous of your bromance
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
