she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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