i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
