who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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