i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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