I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
