worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
