If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
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