they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
