my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
