My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
