this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
