Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
