So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
