walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
