So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
