Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
