Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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