Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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