I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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