The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
