he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
