Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
