Who did Billy Mays play for?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Alive.
So much puke
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
