I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
