It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
