I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
