Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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