I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Congratulations! We have a period
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
