We won't sleep together?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
