oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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