It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
