I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
