Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
