and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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