Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
