so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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