I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
