u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
