Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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