Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
