Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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