Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
