Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize