you traded sex for a burrito?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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