I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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