im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish I only lived at night.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
