i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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