Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
