my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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