3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
