just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
