The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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