you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
