I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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