I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
