hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
