yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
