why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
